


cat and mouse

by calmena



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Angst, Fix-It, Flirting, M/M, So much flirting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-06
Updated: 2015-04-06
Packaged: 2018-03-21 14:54:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3696485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calmena/pseuds/calmena
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eggsy's always liked the <i>before</i>, where every interaction is just a little full of potential, where innocent words can sound like flirting, and the actual flirting is just short of indecent, where both people know what they want, but enjoy the game of it just a little too much to actually do anything yet. To say that he was delighted when it turned out Harry was so fucking <i>good</i> at the game, would be an understatement.</p><p>If he'd known a bullet to Harry's brain would be the end of it, he would've jumped the man right after he'd knocked out Dean's guys.</p>
            </blockquote>





	cat and mouse

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from Let's Fall in Love by Mother Mother.

The thing is, Eggsy's known for a while that good things never tend to last. It's a little depressing, but he's resigned himself to getting the rug pulled out from under him at the worst possible moments. He stopped trusting his luck a long time ago.

So it shouldn't come as a surprise that just when he thinks he's found something he wants to do, something _good_ , something where he can make up for what a fuck-up loser he's been until now, it turns out that the last test is shooting his fucking _dog_.

He can't do it, because apparently Dean was right when he always said that Eggsy was really just a complete failure, and a fucking idiot for thinking he could be anything else. There's something in Arthur's face that reminds him of that, this badly-hidden glee at the fulfilled expectation for Eggsy to fail, and he hates him so much right then, but he hates himself even more for proving Arthur and Dean right.

* * *

Of course, then Harry gets shot in the fucking head, and all bets are off.

* * *

Eggsy kills Arthur, and all he feels about that is a vague sense of satisfaction. Eggsy is pretty sure the fucker knew what kind of mess they were sending Harry into, back with the church, so he doesn't deserve better than to die from his own fucking poison.

That's what he gets for thinking that Eggsy won't do what's necessary, if he has to.

* * *

After the first ten, Eggsy stops counting, when he shoots all those people in Valentine's bunker, and that's before he tells Merlin to blow up countless people's heads, and watches them die in the huge display of fireworks that follows.

There's a moment when he considers that he should probably feel something about that, but whenever he stops to think, he remembers the feed from Harry's glasses, how it turned _redredred_ , when that fucking asshole Valentine–

So he doesn't think.

* * *

He kills Valentine, and saves the world.

He still thinks he should have done more, somehow, can't help but feel like Valentine died way too fast, considering who he took from Egg– Kingsman.

* * *

See, Eggsy thought they had time, back when he met Harry.

He's always liked the _before_ , where every interaction is just a little full of potential, where innocent words can sound like flirting, and the actual flirting is just short of indecent, where both people know what they want but enjoy the game of it just a little too much to actually do anything yet. To say that he was delighted when it turned out Harry was so fucking _good_ at the game, would be an understatement.

Eggsy would have liked to know how much further into overt flirting they could veer off, before something snapped, and they'd either have to stop, or do something about it.

If he'd known a bullet to Harry's brain would be the end of it, he would've jumped the man right after he'd knocked out Dean's guys.

* * *

* * *

Harry said he'd sort out the mess Eggsy made of his last test once he came back.

He doesn't come back, but something about killing Arthur, Gazelle, Valentine, and a whole lot of guards apparently convinces _someone_ that Eggsy should be a Kingsman.

So they give him a name and a mission, and off he is.

His heart feels like it's twisting in his chest when he reads "Galahad", when he realizes he's going to have to _react_ to that name like it's actually his, from now on, but he buries the feeling, and throws himself into his assignments.

It almost works.

* * *

For a month, there's hardly a minute of rest for him, but Eggsy feels like he's actually achieving something, which is more that he'd be doing if he were at home, so he doesn't even think about complaining.

The constant work has the side benefit of giving him no time to contemplate "what-if"s and "could-have-been"s, so he takes the new mission folder and leaves with a "thanks", when Merlin looks like he wants to ask him something, because he doesn't want to have to explain that if he didn't have the missions, he wouldn't know how to survive the strange emptiness in his chest he can't ignore whenever he stops for more than a few hours.

For all Harry'd only been in his life for a comparatively short time, it feels like his death hollowed out the place where Eggsy's heart should be.

* * *

* * *

The mission was a success, and Eggsy is trying to decide whether he wants to go right back to HQ or if he can swing by his mum real quick. He hasn't seen her and Daisy a whole lot since he moved them away from Dean, but last they talked on the phone his mum sounded happy, so he doesn't feel too bad.

In the end, he decides to go to HQ anyway, because even if his ribs hurt from the punches he took during the mission, and his legs shake like they're going to quit holding him up any moment, he wants to be gone again now, right this second, because even the damn Kingsman taxi that's taking him to HQ reminds him of Harry, and he can't–

He breaks off the thought and breathes, tries to blink away the tiredness that's the result of three days of almost constant wakefulness. If he wants to get sent out again soon – and there's no shortage of missions at the moment, what with the mess Valentine's damn plan left behind, so he _will_ get the chance – he's going to have to convince Merlin he can handle it.

Not that Merlin is in his office when Eggsy gets there.

For a moment, Eggsy doesn't know what to do with that. He's still wearing his glasses, so Merlin should be aware that he's here. He's not, which means there's something more pressing for him to do, that he doesn't have the time to debrief, and supervise Eggsy while he's in Merlin's territory. That's... new.

For a moment, Eggsy is tempted to poke around a little, spying what he is pretty sure are prototypes of some sort on a desk against one of the windowless walls, but he holds back. If he touches them, Merlin will probably refuse to give him another mission for a week, just to make him pay for touching his things.

He needs the missions to be able to get out of his head, to cope, so he sits down on the chair he usually sits in during his debriefs, and waits.

* * *

Eggsy is clinging to wakefulness by the skin of his teeth when Merlin walks through the door. For a moment, he looks almost surprised to see Eggsy in the chair, which is strange, because _glasses_ , before something strange flickers over his face, there and gone again before Eggsy can try to make sense of it, in his sleep deprived state.

"I'm afraid something's come up," Merlin says, weirdly formal in the way he gets sometimes, "If you'll walk with me?"

Eggsy's legs protest at the prospect of moving, but he's pretty sure voicing that is going to get him a few days of Merlin-ordered downtime, so he just nods, doesn't think, and follows Merlin out of the office when the man drops off something at one of his prototype-desks, and turns to leave once again.

It takes him a few minutes until he realizes that they're walking in the direction of the infirmary, which doesn't make sense, because Eggsy is _fine, really_.

He's about to voice that, but then he gets a glance at Merlin's face, and stops. There's the thing again, that he couldn't read before, and Eggsy is pretty sure it's some mixture of _griefhopesorrowpain_ that he's never seen on Merlin's face before, and it shuts Eggsy up before he even tries to open his mouth.

He's not sure he wants to know what's managed to throw Merlin that much.

Eggsy is still thinking about that, when they enter one of the rooms in the infirmary, and that's how Eggsy finds out that Harry is alive.

**Author's Note:**

> Help, I'm afraid of writing Eggsy's speech, and there's a lot of it in the next chapter. Also, I don't know if my word-choice is appropriate - English is not my first language, so I'm mostly just muddling along, regarding the British-ness of everything. Also, commas. I hate commas.
> 
> I should probably really get a beta... I'll try, people! Sorry!
> 
> (Stupid question, btw: is it "the before, when" or "the before, where"? Google told me either is fine, but I feel like I should make doubly sure, considering it's in my summary. Grammatically, I'd usually choose the first, but apparently it's not used as much?)


End file.
